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2010년 12월 16일 목요일
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keeping faith
(homeless woman, sf, 12/12/06)
the day is unsettling. it's cold and it's wet; and the mist is stubborn and seems to hover; only disturbed as huddled masses hurry through.
robin is not well. a bullet still rests near her spine. and she still feels pain. she needs more treatment; but doesn't get it.
she rustles through a large trash bag of something and bends by her cart overflowing with nothing. a man stands beside and waits. then leaves.
robin's sons visited her for thanksgiving. both of them; one about 22 and the other about 35. they came from sonoma. her younger son came with a bible and a fine set of clothes. her older son came to stay.
she says that all she wants in the world is to spend time with her family and for them to be happy and to be well.
she hasn't seen her younger son since about thanksgiving. and now she's been told he just got shot in the mission. he didn't want her to know; but she found out. yet she can't find him. she tried the hospital where they bring gunshot victims from the mission. nothing.
she is visibly shaken. "how can two people in the same family be shot like this?" says, it's like the city is trying to tear us apart.
her older son came to visit earlier than his younger brother and has been staying with her on the street. he's a "builder." she tells me proudly of the homes he's worked on.
robin is originally from marin (not sonoma). she spent her early years there in a catholic convent or such. they were planning to move to marin together. she would get off methadone. it was real nice.
but "he got real ugly" and mean a few nights ago, she says. and she hasn't seen him since. he just vanished.
says it's hard. says she doesn't know what to do.
"but i must have faith" she says and seems to swallow
circus
(young drifter, san francisco, 2/16/07)
he says san francisco is twisted.
says he can see it in their eyes on their way. before they stop. bad intent. no shame. like they can buy anything. have anything.
they can't.
yet there's no end to them. and the things they ask. and expect.
joe's been panhandling.
he reads people. says that most people who give can't afford to give. many are people who were once where he is. people who've gotten out.
but those who can afford to, don't.
he's sitting on the sidewalk by a puddle.
as i sit, he apologizes for any smell. he hasn't had a shower in some time.
he split home when he was 14. hopped a freight train and joined the circus. used his brother's id. he's been on the street a year longer than he's been alive.
says he "was always a rebel." and quickly "still am."
a picture?
"you're not going to down me, are you?"
disparage him and his condition.
"no i'm not going to down you."
very bad things
(homeless man, san francisco, 5/24/07)
"hi, how are you?" he says excitedly. he thinks he knows me for a moment.
name's dan; from billings, montana. left when he was 15. been on the street since then.
talks to his parents sometimes on the phone. mostly to his mom. but she just died three months ago. talked to his dad then; and to his sister. she's born again. has two other sisters too; no one knows where they are.
he was supposed to be flown back for the funeral; but that didn't happen.
tells me how he came to san francisco ten years back: "me and this..." he stops and looks at me. "do you hate gays?" he asks.
"no."
"k. me and this gay guy; we broke out of an institution; jumped the fence and hopped a train. came to san francisco. we were friends for a long time."
"you're not still together?" i ask.
"no. i wish we were though."
a man in his fifties walks by with a big smile disturbing the thought. he's looking at dan repeating like he's bursting: "the naked guy from the hotel! the naked guy from the hotel!"
he doesn't stop walking.
"he took pictures of me. naked pictures. i didn't like that."
asked how he gets by, says "i do what i have to do."
"what were you in the institution for?" i ask.
"my parents put me there when i was 9. they lied; said i did things i didn't do."
"it was 'cause of my father. he molested me. he did very bad things to me."










